Weigh to Go!

Ladies and gentlemen, the results are in. 

Alice went to the Townley Road “Weighing Clinic” yesterday and she topped the scales at 18lb 6ozs.  By my reckoning, that’s a smidgeon under a stone and a half!  Good work little girl!  No wonder I have a sore back from lugging her round London zoo in the Bjorn on Sunday.  The health worker at the clinic commented when she saw Alice:  “Oooohhhh! She must like her milk!” and went on to say that they would need to put her in a bigger set of scales next time around. 

Speaking to Ceri, I understand that it is something of an unwritten rule amongst mums that you do not boast about your baby developing quickly.  Bad form.   It’s the equivalent of coming out of an exam in which you think you have done well and saying “Yes! I did brilliantly....it was way too easy!” instead of the more acceptable “Oh, it was quite tough....we’ll have to wait and see how the results pan out!”   As a result, the protocol is that Ceri must stay quiet on such matters.

I, on the other hand, am not a mum; rather, a proud dad.  I can boast all I want.  Hoorah! 

Check out this stat for starters:  Alice is 18lbs 6ozs.  The average 4 month old baby girl is 14lbs.  So, our little girl is beating "the competition" by 4lbs 6ozs!  C’mon! Alice, Alice, Alice! 

Second Stat:  the average 8 month old baby girl weighs 18lbs 7ozs.  Alice is 4 months old and 18lbs 6ozs.  So Alice is the same weight as the average baby who is twice her age!  Nice one ATB*! 

Final Stat:  Alice is in the 98^th percentile for weight.  This means that if you lined up 100 babies in a row, she would be fatter than 97 others!   She’s the Buddha at the end of the row!  Hmmmm, might need to re-phrase that for it to sound like a positive thing, but you get the idea! 

Gosh, I can’t wait to get my tape-measure out to give you equivalent length stats...she’s a tall one alright!  Definitely going to be in the back row in school photos!

So, in summary, although there are no official metrics that I can use to absolutely confirm this, it looks like our little girl is well on her way to becoming a supermodel.  And she’s been sleeping through the night for the last 5 days in a row!  As a dad, I am allowed to say I am VERY proud.  Ceri would say the same I am sure, but she is “waiting to see how the results pan out!”

The only worry is that one of the babies in our NCT group has started crawling – and Alice hasn’t:  YET!  It’s not that Ceri and I are competitive, but if Alice wants to have some milk tonight, she is going to have to crawl to her bottle!

Speak to you soon for a "proper" update. 

Much love

Matt xxxx

*Note ATB is “Alice the Baby”: nickname courtesy of Helen and Rog

Twice as Old as Last Time We Met

Ooooh nooooo!  I'm in trouble, aren't I?  Almost two months ago I promised you a live video of Alice and here we are, half of her life later, and.....nothing! Not a dicky bird!  I am a bad person and deserve to be bent over your knee and walloped with a slipper; Beano-style.  However my tactic is to distract your understandable wrath with a knee-wobblingly cute family photo from this weekend's Upland Road Street Party, so that you forget you were ever cross and re-instate me promptly to your Christmas card list.   If that doesn't work, and you are still hacked off, feel free to take your revenge by petrol-bombing the pink Vauxhall Corsa with the flat back tyre parked outside the house (actually, you'd be doing me a favour!)

The Shepherds at the Upland Road Street Party - Alice has grown a Mohican to mark the event

Where to begin?  Well, I'm going to persevere with my attempt to keep you updated chronologically, but would have to give up the day job to do so in detail, so we're going to have to skim a bit.  The next couple of updates will be like the original Growing Upland posts, but as if you are watching a "series link" that you have recorded on Sky+ on the x10 speed setting.....so you get the benefit of skipping the adverts, but you'll also miss a bit of the plot too.  Ho hum...such is life!

Continuing the TV series simile, let's have a recap on the last episode.  When we last met, me, Ceri and mini-Ceri were down visiting my folks in Winchester.  We'd been to the farm and Ej and Roo had been more interested in Alice than the other animals.  The following day, Ceri's folks came up for Sunday lunch along with Clary and Shirley; Ceri's grandparents and Alice's great grandparents.  It's not everyone that gets to meet their great-grandparents.  I still remember my great-grandma (Nana Shepherd) sitting in bed with Sal and I, smoking like an industrial chimney, and making origami swans out of the silver foil from the top of her fag packets. To this day I miss the thrill that the combined potential health risks of burning polyester bedsheets and early-onset lung disease used to bring to our childhoods.  Happy days.  Times have changed and Clary and Shirley don't smoke - so no foil cigarette swans for Alice....just little Pokemon figures made from the wraps of their crack-cocaine (only kidding....Jeez!)  We actually had a lovely roast dinner in the King Charles pub in Kings Worthy and here are the pics from the day to prove it.....

Alice with her Great Grandparents - Clary and Shirley  

Four Generations of Girls........  

Hugs with Justin Bieber (I mean Ej)..... 

And with Roo....  

Not forgetting Aunt Sal
  

Gosh, writing this and looking back at these pictures it seems like ages ago.  Ceri and I genuinely find it hard to remember what life was like before Alice came along.  I'm writing this lying in bed and I can't believe how life has changed.  Alice is already sleeping in her own room as of yesterday; having outgrown her crib.  She has learnt to sit up, to snore, to giggle, to wrap her daddy round her little finger, and to appreciate the finer things of life (beer, rugby and Italian men....of which more later).  Ceri has taken up Colin's role as the "Mayor of Dulwich" and has become an ambassador for all things East Dulwich...she and Alice seem to know everyone in every street in the area and certainly do know every single purveyor of food and beverages within a two mile radius.  Anyone who sells a cake, sandwich or decent bowl of pasta salutes my girls as they approach as if they were war heroes returning from a two-year stint in the trenches and then looks slightly bemused and crestfallen as they walk past (no doubt on their way to a rival establishment).  

Other changes:  Our kitchen has been overtaken by baby-feeding bottles in various states of "sterlisation". On top of microwave = sterilised, beside the toaster/kettle = waiting to be sterilised next, sitting on the draining board = waiting to be moved to the toaster/kettle "holding area", in the sink = washed, next to the sink on the right = waiting to be washed.  Clothes that Alice has been wearing follow a similar path through various strategically placed wicker baskets, plastic washing baskets, areas of the hall landing for "dirty clothes", piles at the bottom of the stairs and ultimately end up in small, neatly-formed heaps underneath the washing machine where they queue like polite, nattering grannies at a bus-stop waiting for the privilege to end up in the washer. Unlike the baby bottles I have not got the faintest idea how this system works.....all I know is that Alice never seems to wear the same outfit twice so my suggestion would be to follow this system instead: Alice wears it - Alice shits on it - Mummy chucks it in the bin and heads down to Jo Jos for a new one!

Final change to note before we get back down to business.  The phrase "Gina says!".  Grrrrrr.  For those of you that are unaware, there is a woman who prowls (actually I prefer to think that she limps) in the darker places of this earth called Gina Ford who, when not gnawing raw-meat from the bone in her dark, cobwebbed, festering cave, writes books crammed with practical advice on how to be the best parent ever. She has no kids of her own.  No pictures of her exist - presumably to avoid her being recognised and getting lynched.  Gina believes in routines.  Her books plan out every minute of every day in your baby's life into routines and makes you feel like a bad person if you don't follow them.  Gina says "Baby" should be having her nap at 2.17. Gina says "Baby" should be eating 214 ounces of milk at 17.32.....Case Study:  Ethel is 26 and she fed her baby, Hank, 7 minutes later than my plan suggests:  now both mother and baby, as a result, have been shunned by society and stay in all day, alone, watching the Jeremy Kyle show......you get the idea. I am not going to dwell on the subject.  I am not going to refer to my friend Gina in this blog again.  My last word on the subject is that if Gina has something to say, she can come round to our house and say it to my face......

Goodness!  Good to have that off my chest.....On with the show.  The week following the Winchester trip saw us celebrating Hannah's 30th Birthday on a rainy day in the Windmill on Clapham Common and Gareth and Lara coming over for what proved to be the penultimate BBQ of the summer.  As ever, our gorgeous little girl was on best behaviour and adding to her ever growing fan club by agreeing to be cuddled by anyone who will hug her.  She is such a happy, sociable little soul.  Hard to believe it's possible, but I really do feel more proud of her and love her a little bit more every day.  

With Uncle Gar and Aunty La 

Post BBQ Face (Alice that is - no offence meant Lara!) 

Lunch on Hannah's Birthday 

With John Cook on Hannah's Birthday 

Chilling in her chair after a busy weekend!

Lord!  I've been writing this for almost two hours.  I'm on bottle duty this evening and Gina says that I'm due to feed Alice in the next 14 minutes!  Tell you what, I'm going to do the five plus one as a preview of all of the other outings/events that you've got to look forward to in my next update (ok....more likely updates...I'll never squeeze it all in one!)  Here's what's up next folks....

Alice visits the seaside - for the Whitstable Oyster Festival no less 

Alice gets selected for the second row on the Wales/England Rugby Weekend 

Alice learns to swim in Italy

Alice parties hard at Charlotte's wedding in Ravello

Alice meets here lookalike at the Upland Road Street Party

Alice - gorgeous as ever

Folks, for all of you that are still reading, genuinely sorry that I took so long to post an update.  I guess all you really need to know is that Ceri and I are loving being parents - Alice is turning into such a lovely, smiley little character an we are enjoying every minute.  I just wish I could pass her over to you for a hug right now.  Anyway, a hungry little girl beckons...speak to you soon (I promise).  Matt x